This story is a response to the Muse on Monday writing prompt from January 6, 2025.

The Universe and I

It was January 1, 2025, and I decided I was going to make a New Years resolution. I hadn’t done that in a while but here it was a new year, and I wanted to improve myself.

“I’m going to learn to play the guitar,” I said out loud. I liked the sound of it, so I said it again.

My phone buzzed with an incoming email. I looked at it. It was from The Universe. The subject was Re: Your New Years Resolution.

I opened it. The body of the email was only three words. No, you won’t.

That seemed rude, to shoot down my plans like that. I looked at the email address: theuniverse@everything.org. Well, that checked out.

I hit Reply. Yes, I will. I can do anything I want. I didn’t sign it. Clearly, the Universe knew who it was talking to.

The reply came ten seconds later. You don’t own a guitar, you can’t afford one, you don’t have time or money for lessons, and you’ve never played a musical instrument in your life.

This was all true, of course. Still, I liked the idea of me strumming soulfully on a guitar, maybe at a party as everyone stopped to listen in hushed awe at how cool I was. It was a good image.

It could happen, I wrote back, but even I was having trouble believing my words now. The Universe didn’t bother replying.

“You know what, I’m going to lose weight this year,” I said out loud. I stared at my phone, just daring The Universe to say anything. My phone buzzed. The subject line was the same but when I opened it, it was just the picture from the laughing Jonah Jameson meme. Oh great, not only was The Universe up on memes, it was also sarcastic. That made sense, as I thought about it more.

Okay, it was true I probably wouldn’t lose weight. At least I’d promised myself that for the last eight years and had never done it.

“I am going to read a book every—” I discarded the word day instantly, then flipped mentally through week and month.

“I am going to read a book this year,” I said at last since that was one I was sure I could do.

It took 30 seconds for the next email to come in. When I opened it, it was just an Amazon link to The Very Hungry Caterpillar.

Ha ha. Very funny, Universe. I went online and ordered The Killer Angels, from a private used book site too, just for spite. It looked like an interesting read, and it was historical, so I was improving my mind.

*         *         *

It was 11:00pm on December 31, 2025 when I suddenly remembered my new years resolution. I excavated The Killer Angels from the bottom of a pile on my nightstand. I had only read 30 pages of it, so I probably wasn’t going to be able to finish it in the next hour. Still, I wasn’t about to let the Universe win, that smug jerk.

I opened a browser on my phone and typed in: free pdf the very hungry caterpillar.