Derpetology If you’re going to adopt a kid, don’t adopt a sentient Burmese python. In retrospect, I blame myself. And the Omnibiocorp marketing department. “Come inside, Jimmy! It’s cold out.” “Nooo! I’m having fun!” “Don’t be stupid, you’re cold-blooded.” “I’mmm ffffiiinneee.” “Don’t be a dumb-cloaca, Jimmy! I can’t carry you inside with my bad back….
Tag: humor
Noblesse Oblige
Noblesse Oblige Kyle was beginning to regret buying the castle. Sure, it was cool, but the National Trust had made him agree to give tours. “So here’s the Great Hall,” Kyle said to a group of elderly women. “Over there by the TV is where the Earl of Henley was murdered by his rival.” “Where…
The Pentadent Meets
The Pentadent Meets The Five had gathered. A box sat in the middle of the council table. “Let’s vote,” #1 said. “I think it’s okay. #2?” “Acceptable.” “Fine.” “Passable.” A nervous pause. “I don’t like it,” #5 said finally. A sigh of exasperation. “You never like anything,” #2 said. “I did some digging,” #1 said….
Human Blood Worms
This story is a response to the Muse on Monday prompt from June 22, 2026: Write a story about trying a new food. Human Blood Worms Embassy Report 8373929-34 It is my 11th day on Earth. The inhabitants are respectful and are anxious to make me feel at home. The climate in the city where…
A Closet of Thieves
This story is a response to the Muse on Monday prompt from June 15, 2026: Write a story where the character is trapped in a closet with a stranger. A Closet of Thieves The room smelled of death and opportunity. I crept in through the window that had been left open to air out the…
Wilson’s Flora Mortuary
Wilson’s Flora Mortuary Welcome to Wilson’s Flora Mortuary. Sorry for your loss. What was it? A cherry tree, 4 months old? A tragedy. They’re so fragile at that age. Here at Wilson’s, we handle funerals for everything from flowers to fully grown trees. Mostly houseplants, honestly. We can have the service here or outside. Did…
History is in the Eye of the Beholder
Written as a response to the Muse on Monday prompt: Write a story based around a death or funeral History is in the Eye of the Beholder The king was dead, finally. The blessedly-late Kale XXVIII had white-knuckled onto life for 116 years until he had finally meandered away from his mortal coil. Now the…
Probably a Phase
Probably a Phase “It’s a dreamcatcher,” his son said. “Ah,” Tim said, staring at the artistic horror. “Why are there chicken guts in it?” “Because it’s an evil dreamcatcher. To curse people.” It’s a phase, Tim thought. He’s going through a phase. “Cool . . .” he said aloud. “How?” “It uses a person’s possession…
The Off-White Showdown
This story is a response to the Muse on Monday prompt of March 2, 2026: Write a story about giving someone bad news. The Off-White Showdown I am truly terrified of this woman. She’s glowering down at me from the fitting platform, her eyes crackling like lightning on the prairies of Saskatchewan where I grew…
A Sign of the Times
A Sign of the Times I remain frozen as I watch them approaching. The board feels heavy, but I don’t even twitch. “This place looks good. Ooh, they got chili fries.” The family inspects the menu in my hands. “Wow, this sign looks so realistic.” Heck yeah, it’s realistic. Underneath the paint, I’m 100% living…
