Beauty Killer Every day I go destroy the most beautiful things in the world. I’ve seen murals that made me cry from sheer awe, moments before my flamethrower melted them out of existence. “Eighteen buildings cleansed,” I say. My boss nods, impassive. “How many new occurences?” “48 yesterday, just in your area,” she says. We’re…
Tag: Friday Fictioneers
FunBoat™
FunBoat™ Never get a rental for a heist, especially a FunBoat™. I turned sharply. Spray drenched us. The police boat was getting closer. “Excess speed violates your rental agreement,” FunBoat™ repeated. “Silence that!” Megan screamed. I hit Mute. Silence. “Your allotted time has ended,” FunBoat™ said. “Insert $20 to continue.” We started slowing. I fed…
Amid the Raindrops
Amid the Raindrops After weeks of running, I found myself in Laos. Laos is not a path to anywhere, so I stopped. My phone was off. No more dodging investigators, regulators, creditors. I could live here, learn Lao, show tourists around, maybe. Exploring my new country, I entered a temple. It was deserted and inside,…
Unlimited Credit
Unlimited Credit The check came. “I’ll get this one.” “Oh, you will, eh? Which ‘you’?” “Let’s see. Do they take Mastercard?” “Use one of the visas.” “Here’s one: Randall James.” “That’s a platinum card. Save that for something big.” “How about this one: Adelbert Hanspeter.” “What?!” “What’s wrong?” “That’s my grandfather.” “Maybe it’s someone with…
A Bunch of Triangles
A Bunch of Triangles “What were you thinking?” I blushed. “It was an art project, sir.” “Art? What about the Prime Directive? We do not interfere with cultures that haven’t made extraterrestrial contact.” “It was just a bunch of triangles . . .” “Yeah, 500-foot-tall triangles! That’s not going to go unnoticed!” “It was mostly…
The Devil Missed His Connecting Flight to Georgia
The Devil Missed His Connecting Flight to Georgia Harry was taking a walk when a morose imp approached him. “Hey,” it said listlessly. “You want to have a competition? If I win, I get your soul.” “What if I win?” Harry asked. “You get this aluminum kazoo. It’s a kazoo competition.” “Shouldn’t it at least…
Molly’s Cut
Molly’s Cut It took years to find the hidden alley where Molly’s shop lurked. She leered at me. “I sell one thing: time. One amount: forever.” I swallowed. “How much?” “Pay in kind, boy.” Her sapphire gaze wormed into mine. “Twenty years.” I coughed. She scoffed. “Fool! It’s water from an infinite well. I deserve…
The Origins of Brownyz
The Origins of Brownyz
The Sum of All Games
The Sum of All Games The field below is an undulating Rorschach test, ten thousand overlapping players forming ever-shifting patterns of dramatic wins and crushing defeats. Death has freed me from the shackles of linear time but by concentrating, I can distill individual events. The Champion’s memorial is nearest, the crowd standing silently for their…
Nowoman’s Land
Nowoman’s Land Her arthritic fingers ached as she laid kindling in the fireplace, checking for moisture. The surrounding bomb-blasted houses provided plenty of wood, but most was wet, which made smoke. Smoke spotted from her chimney would mean certain death. She was boiling water when she heard a crash. She crouched, peering out. Below, three…
The Green-Walled Treehouse 