The Last One Out

The Last One Out

My body feels like it has merged with the couch. I scroll through one app, switch to another, scroll, switch back. I don’t have any attention span and feeling my parents’ eyes on me when they walk past just makes it harder. They’re worried about me but don’t know how to help.

Next week is my graduation, emphasis on the my. It was supposed to be our graduation, the blow-out week we planned for since middle school. Mrs. Cambriol called us the Four Musketeers, but to most we were just the Gang, those four guys who were always together.

Jordan died two years ago in a car accident. It was the worst week of my life and the week after that was the second worst. I still miss him like a phantom limb. The school had a memorial and we all shared what a great guy he was. One of our classmates made a mural of him in the hallway. Our Gang was shaken but closer than ever.

Then Gavin’s family moved to British Columbia. We had a going away party, spending all night watching movies and playing video games, just like old times. It was a bittersweet time: a classic night we’d remember forever, but also the last one.

And then it was just Cody and me. We hung out, but two is not a gang. Still, I was grateful for him. I still talked to Gavin sometimes but it wasn’t the same. He found new friends and it’s hard to maintain a friendship on remember when alone.

Cody moved away four months ago. It was the worst timing for him, halfway through his senior year, but it was an emergency. Something about his mom’s job. He’ll probably have to do summer school to graduate because of the disruption. We hung out his last day but it was hard. He was depressed, I was depressed. We just watched TV. Then he was gone.

And now I’m here, the remaining survivor of the Gang. I miss them and being part of the group, but it’s more than that. It sounds selfish but I kind of wish I was one of the ones to leave. The first ones get a party, the last ones get a nod, but the one left behind gets nothing. It’s like being the last one at a party, when there’s nothing left but to turn off the lights.

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