Brand Association It’s Friday night and I’ve got a couple of irons in the fire. Three, in fact. There’s Double H. He’s with the Hanson and Hudson Ranch, just over the hill. He’s seen his share of bulls and heifers. He’s from the wild west if you believe him, but his memory might be…
Category: Funny
Favorite Foods: Animal Edition
Favorite Foods: Animal Edition Grizzly Bear: Oh, I love salmon, you know that real fresh kind when they’re jumping up the waterfall all sleek and energetic and you grab it out of the air. That is soooo good. No, wait, blackberries. Those are the best, you know when it’s fall and the bushes are just…
The 4:00pm Rebels
The 4:00pm Rebels Classes at the Yusupov Memorial Assassin School were done for the day, even Professor Princip’s after-school pistol tutoring. Leon crept towards the back hedge with all the paranoia of youth’s first rebellion. He clutched the contraband tightly. The others were already in the hidden grove. “You got it?” Charles asked. Leon held…
First Day in the Trenches
First Day in the Trenches The first day of school was over. A group of shell-shocked first-years sat huddled together in the back of the restaurant. “I knew high school was hard, but . . .” “The twelfth-graders were huge! I honestly feared for my life during first period.” “One of them called me Fartin,”…
Everything’s a Critic
Everything’s a Critic I pick up the guitar. Eight apprehensive eyes appear, watching like I’m a toddler with a chainsaw. I’ll try Bad Moon Rising. D, first. No, that’s wrong. The eyes widen. I start again. A moan of protest begins. “I see the bad moon a-rising,” I sing, trying desperately to match my voice…
Nip and Tack
Nip and Tack 48 Peacock Lane was breathing comfortably. Structural anesthesiologists were monitoring it, and the surgery crew moved in. “Anything major?” Jim asked the lead surgeon as he assembled a reciprocating saw. “Nah, just light touchup work. Some rotten siding. Cosmetic stuff.” “It’s a new world.” Jim shook his head. “Sometimes I wish houses…
A Bunch of Triangles
A Bunch of Triangles “What were you thinking?” I blushed. “It was an art project, sir.” “Art? What about the Prime Directive? We do not interfere with cultures that haven’t made extraterrestrial contact.” “It was just a bunch of triangles . . .” “Yeah, 500-foot-tall triangles! That’s not going to go unnoticed!” “It was mostly…
The Devil Missed His Connecting Flight to Georgia
The Devil Missed His Connecting Flight to Georgia Harry was taking a walk when a morose imp approached him. “Hey,” it said listlessly. “You want to have a competition? If I win, I get your soul.” “What if I win?” Harry asked. “You get this aluminum kazoo. It’s a kazoo competition.” “Shouldn’t it at least…
The One Labor of Jordan
The One Labor of Jordan Jordan now understood why Lena said that her father was mythologically old school. “Three things you gotta do to date my daughter,” Mr. Iraklidis said, holding up sausage-like digits. “Hey, it usta be twelve. First, clean the cellar steps.” But Jordan could go mythological too. He had no river to…
Boot Reboot
Boot Reboot “What’s this Leagz7 project you’re working on?” the CEO barked. “Seven league boots,” Brad stammered. “Unfortunately, one foot originally traveled 21 miles before the other one moved.” “Huh. Sounds like a crotchal—I mean, crucial design flaw.” “We fixed that with Leagz7 2.0. Now just the boot travels, not the foot.” “Where’s the market…
The Green-Walled Treehouse 