The Party Exile I lie in the backyard, kicked out of the house. It’s cold. I can hear the party sounds from inside. I could go ask for a blanket, but that might be awkward. I hear something approaching. It’s my beagle Augustus. He licks my face, and I scratch his ears. “How’s it going…
Category: Funny
Audition
Audition I showed up early for the Musikour audition at the dance studio. Parkour with music, they said. The door was barred by a high metal barrier. Fair enough; I’d expect nothing less. Humming a happy tune, I scaled the fence, hoping this was being recorded. The door was locked. This was getting more intense….
The Flame that Burns on in the Darkness
The Flame that Burns on in the Darkness Flame wars were harder after the Internet disappeared. James pulled the paper off the raven’s leg. “Ur a idiot and ur political ideas r stupid!” he read. James growled and grabbed some paper. “takes 1 to no 1,” he wrote and attached it to the bird’s leg….
You Can’t Miss It
You Can’t Miss It “Stop! That’s the one.” “He said it had a green door.” “That is green.” “You sure? Looks yellow. I think it’s just a greenish light.” “Well, he said it’s the house with the green door, said we couldn’t miss it.” “You wanna go knock?” “Go up and ask if this is…
Yarns for Science
Yarns for Science “Be creative,” Mom said. “But not too creative,” Dad said. “80 skeins of yarn, please,” Travis said. “That’ll be $220,” the shopkeeper said. “Plus tax.” “I hope coins are okay,” Shane said. * * * “We received a complaint,” the cop said. “About this.” He pointed to the yarn contraption. “It’s a…
Maid My Skin Crawl
Maid My Skin Crawl “You killed her!” Janice said. We stood regarding the prone figure on the floor. “I’m sorry!” I protested. “I came out of the bathroom and saw a doll with glowing eyes.” Matt picked up the doll. “Well, they’re not glowing anymore. What did you do?” “Exorcism . . . I panicked.”…
Brand Association
Brand Association It’s Friday night and I’ve got a couple of irons in the fire. Three, in fact. There’s Double H. He’s with the Hanson and Hudson Ranch, just over the hill. He’s seen his share of bulls and heifers. He’s from the wild west if you believe him, but his memory might be…
Favorite Foods: Animal Edition
Favorite Foods: Animal Edition Grizzly Bear: Oh, I love salmon, you know that real fresh kind when they’re jumping up the waterfall all sleek and energetic and you grab it out of the air. That is soooo good. No, wait, blackberries. Those are the best, you know when it’s fall and the bushes are just…
The 4:00pm Rebels
The 4:00pm Rebels Classes at the Yusupov Memorial Assassin School were done for the day, even Professor Princip’s after-school pistol tutoring. Leon crept towards the back hedge with all the paranoia of youth’s first rebellion. He clutched the contraband tightly. The others were already in the hidden grove. “You got it?” Charles asked. Leon held…
First Day in the Trenches
First Day in the Trenches The first day of school was over. A group of shell-shocked first-years sat huddled together in the back of the restaurant. “I knew high school was hard, but . . .” “The twelfth-graders were huge! I honestly feared for my life during first period.” “One of them called me Fartin,”…
The Green-Walled Treehouse 